episode iii, the backstroke of the west redux
a couple of years ago when i was living in shanghai i bought a revenge of the sith dvd off the street. it came with hilariously mangled subtitles that ranged from somewhat close to what the actors were saying to far, far away....
i've been meaning to update the blog post I wrote ages ago to add in more scenes and upgrade the quality of the photos (they were digital camera pics and in some pics you can see my old tv) but of course you know how it goes- one never has the time.
so now that it's chinese new year and i have a few days off work, i finally present to you as a new year's present...
episode iii, the backstroke of the west redux
the dvd menu looks pretty normal, aside from a rather evil-looking yoda.
to experience backstroke of the west one has to go to the subtitle menu and select 'englsih'.
the beginning scroll is mistranslated, even though the words are right up there on the screen.
star war (just one).
yup.
click play to see the full intro scroll.
anakin: "this is where the fun begins"
anonymous doomed fighter pilot: "they're all over me!"
obi-wan, space battle strategist.
the battle was going well until the disgusting thing showed up.
obi-wan really hates that disgusting thing.
obi-wan teaches r2 how to beat the disgusting thing.
a quick pause in the caption commentary. for a while i couldn't figure out how the captions got so mangled- i thought maybe it was done by computer, but in some cases like this one the captions make sense but have no relation to what is going on. general grevious is actually saying, "just as count dooku predicted"...
...and here anakin says, "destroyers!" (meaning destroyer droids). after watching the movie again i figured out that a chinese pirate had originally tried to listen to the movie in english and wrote in chinese what he thought he heard- this was then translated back by machine into english. so in this case mr. pirate heard 'destroy' and thought anakin was talking about destroying the droids...
...and the best part of it all is that some stuff is completely made up, like in this case the droids in the elevator are just mumbling but mr. pirate decided to make something up about not pushing (which is extra-funny if you've ever lived in china!). so a random pirate in china decided on the fly that not only could he translate but he could improve on lucas's script. brilliant stuff, and this explains a lot of the seemingly random things.
anyway, back to the movie.
obi-wan grows impatient with r2.
the chancellor warns obi-wan and anakin that count dooku is... big.
obi-wan explains that it's no problem.
count dooku doesn't like anakin.
count dooku really doesn't like anakin.
chancellor palpatine explains something to anakin about obi-wan.
general grievous receives some bad news.
the general considers how he should punish his troops.
"anakin skywalker"
anakin taunts general grievous.
the general fires off a snappy comeback.
grievous orders his troops to turn anakin and obi-wan into filet-o-fishes.
yes, that's right, crispy golden brown batter!!!
a random hair styling tip?
the translator liked elephants.
he liked elephants a lot.
oh no, anything but that!
we gonna rock down to, lemon avenue.
anakin is fed up with politicseses.
anakin: "that's wonderful" (in reply to padme saying she is pregnant)
padme the homemaker.
hallelujah!
yoda: "premonitions? premonitions?"
that sounds like something yoda might actually say.
anakin is haunted by dreamses.
the elephant needs anakin. um, yeah.
troopseses!
obi-wan asks anakin to spy on the chancellor while he does certain activities.
the chancellor explains to anakin that darth plagueis was strong and big.
and he became even stronger and bigger.
but he wasn't big or strong enough to stop himself from being killed by... land... so he could go to bed... yep.
anakin delivers some good news to obi-wan.
but obi-wan explains that anakin is allah gold and therefore there's a problem with him being part of the presbyterian church.
"may the force be with you"
obi-wan asks for directions.
anakin starts to fall out with the presbyterian church.
how romantic.
tion medon: "what brings you to our remote sanctuary?"
tion medon: "on the tenth level, thousands of battledroids"
obi-wan: "hello there!"
grievous tells his troops to back off, he'll take care of obi wan.
... but is it big?
the chancellor delivers anakin some bad news.
who you tryin' to get crazy with esse? don't you know i'm loco?
me am a civilization person too!
"i think chancellor palpatine is a sith lord."
mace windu reads the chancellor his rights.
palpatine: "no... no... no..."
palpatine: "unlimited... power!"
anakin bargains for the life of his cuckoldry.
palpatine: "darth vader"
"rise!"
the emporer tells anakin... umm... something.
anakin: "i agree."
ok- the bottom conveniently
yoda: "goodbye chewbacca."
c3po tells the amorous couple to get a room.
padme: "no thank you, c3po."
obi-wan: "who could have done this?"
the emporer announces that he's going on workers' comp leave.
did he change it to, 'password'?
palpatine to anakin: "you have done well, my apprentice"
obi-wan tells yoda that anakin is like his brother... and an elephant too.
the dark side is gobbling.
padme: "3po will look after me."
how about a snickers?
padme confronts anakin- he has been sleeping around!
umm... uhh... what affair. that wasn't me. i barely know that girl.
anakin tells padme to forget the girl, because he is now both strong and big.
in fact anakin is positively huge and herculean.
padme doesn't want big and strong. she also doesn't want to walk on a road meant for running about.
lier!!!
padme: "no!!!"
obi-wan has heard enough.
yoda pays a not-so-friendly visit to palpatine's office.
this doesn't really have anything to do with backstroke of the west, but i love the way he walked into the room.
palpatine has a pet name for yoda.
palpatine now reveals his true ambitions- to be the biggest and strongest!
that's just too much for yoda- he's heading for tijuana.
meanwhile anakin taunts obi-wan...
...but obi-wan stands on higher ground...
...and proclaims his love.
"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo..............!!!!!"
posted by jeremy @ 11:45 PM
49 Comments:
Great! This really gave me a laugh, even after reading the first version. Thank you!
This is hillarous!
May you also provide a original chinese subtitle for me as I want to compare with the english subtitle to know what's the meaning.
Thanks in advance
Hi ??, unfortunately I don't have a program to rip the Chinese subtitles. I used subrip which worked for the English ones (after a bit of 'teaching') but for Chinese nothing came up. Maybe because I don't have Chinese fonts installed. Sorry!
http://www.winterson.com/pics/starwars.txt
http://thepiratebay.org/torrent/3733647/Star_Wars_3_-_Backstroke_of_the_West
http://thepiratebay.org/torrent/3512887/Star_Wars_3__Backstroke_of_The_West_(ROTS_mistranslation)
watch it!
thanks for this, it's just hilarious--
I also recently watched a boot-leg Japanese TV drama on dvd which provided Chinese, English and Japanese subtitles. I believe the Japanese subtitle is a bonus track because it is all porn dialogues and has nothing to do with the drama.
"Dot not want."
Epic. So many epic translations. This is amazing, I wish I could see the whole movie.
Hi Jensaarai, someone uploaded the movie (in 10min clips) to Youtube. Check it out- http://www.youtube.com/user/BackstrokeOfTheWest
OMG - that was soo funny!!
Wow! ok ive never watched star wars...but thats fucken helarious!!! lol
Someone tried mating the Backstroke of the West subtitles with Episode IV, with quite funny (and bizarrely homoerotic) results.
http://dbowgett.users.btopenworld.com/
EPIC WIN! lol.
this is the best form of copy protection.. bad subs! lol!
"I can't walk with you on a road meant for running about" is pretty deep.
Also, I love the way the plot is changed to the horrific consequences of the desire to be big and strong.
Your Chinese-English-subtitled-English is my hero. <3 Allah and Presbyterian bring gold to the big and strong. Praise.
I really really love your comments. Notably your "Big" comments:
"The dark power is more and more strong"
...but is it big?
I noticed in this new version, you took out an image or 2 about the Darth Plaguies. Was the "dint" comment still in this one?
Hey, just wanted to let you know:
The constant elephant comments are mangled Chinese translations. The phrase "it seems like" or "looks like" would be translated as "good elephant" if the translator went character by character, instead of for the actual meaning. The same is true for the over use of the word "fuck", in Chinese the character for "to do" means "fuck" in slang, therefore it often ends up mistranslated :)
I saw the movie a couple of days ago. Constant fun - didn't get boring even after 2 hours. Thanks to Anonymous above for explaining the Good Elephant. As far as I could understand, Jedi is translated as "Hopeless Situation", Obi-Wan is called "Ratio Tile" and Anakin is called "Gold", sometimes "Allah Gold". I guess that depends on whether or not they include Skywalker.
@stalker fairy - thanks! i left out the dint part for this update as i thought it was a bit boring/weird but it's certainly still there in the dvd.
@anonymous - thanks for the 'elephant' explanation. makes sense!!!
this is hilarious! worth every cent in RMB
I'm guessing that someone has converted it very roughly to Chinese (or other) and then a computer has translated it back to English.
I think this is the funniest thing I have ever seen!
I was laughing so hard that I was crying. What an improvement on some of the dialogue- priceless.
Ha ha! Do not want!
I have never laughed so hard at subtitles EVER. My favorite was "I was just made by the Presbyterian Church" Was he hiding from them and they just found him? Did he mean it literally, the Church created him? Were his parents were Presbyterian?
Love a good mystery.
Thank you SO much for sharing this!
haha! my friend told me about this an i love it! i wanna know where i can get a dvd like this!
Just wanted to say thank you very much for doing this, I'll be heading off to work with a massive grin today.
I saved this to my fav, reading it over and over again, and can't stop laughing... By the way, elephant wish big and strong no ratio tile do want :)
Never. Gets. Old!
this is HELLarious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! holy shit mannn! esp the talks about elephants, behind, and other unimportant things =D
This is incredible indeed, sure makes me laugh!
Truly epic translations!
This is un-fucking-believable! I laughed all along... fantastic... no words can express, how is THIS hilarious - together with your witty commentaries, Winterson ;-)
LOVED IT!
And I think my elephant ate my pudding meanwhile and only rice he left! Holy presbyterian church!! :-o
Brilliantine!
There's no real word for 'no' in Chinese, so 'bu yao'- not want, or do not want, makes sense I guess- would sound brilliant in the original dramatic tone of voice though...
Also, 'skin' in Chinese is 'pi' (read 'p'), so probably some part of c3po's name.
Going to look up how to say "Presbyterian Church" in Chinese now though- could it be that the church actually was the dark side all along?
I love Chinglish. Endless accidental humour, created in translation rather than lost...
??????
Thee Dialog Continue.
2005????????????????????
In 2005, the backstroke of the west subtitler began a cross cultural conversation.
?2009????????
In 2009 a response has been formulated.
?20 ?? '????????' ????/??????????????????/????/???????????????????????????????????????????
%20 introduces 'Thee Backslacpkipng With Media' a media analysis/video archeological proof of concept of a future video media search/cut-up/recompile system as applied to all the Star Wars media distributed around the release of the movie which acted as the backdrop to the backstroke.
http://www.noneinc.com/tBSWM/tBSWM_FAQ.html
??????????????????DVD?????????????????????????????????
To fully appreciate the subtitle subterfuge, you'll have to download the full DVD, but to gain an understanding of this presentation, preview any chapter here: (Play options are on the right)
http://www.noneinc.com/tBSWM/tBSWM_FAQ.html#DVDChapter
%20
???? Corporate Shill
????? Consumer Whore
???????? Wannabee Cultural Chimera
This might be the funniest thing in .. the universe. Or the elephant. Or the Presbyterian church.
I really honestly have tears in my eyes every time I read this -- and I'm on about time 12 now.
Thanks for sharing it.
Do not want!!! lol
I like how every now and then the translator turns into Gollum and starts adding extra pluralizations on to words.
This made me laugh hysterically. Thanks for this.
hehehe, i am french, but... LOL
thats soooo great !
thanks for these laugh minutes :D
Amazing. This is so much better than the actual movie. If only that dvd was more widely available...
Wonderful! Haven't laughed this hard in ages!!! It made my weekend. And my life!
Abraços brasileiros!
LO-FUCKING-L
wtf!!!
this is hillarious!!!
asian subs for the win! ''all your base are belong to us!''
-> http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=all%20your%20base%20are%20belong%20to%20us
Thanks for making my day a lot more fun!
Oooow the RIIIIBS! Why do I find these things at 2 in the morning when I can't laugh properly?
Thank you for sharing this with the internets!
Blessings upon you, big manikin elephant or faraway Ratio Tile or whatever youseses are! I, too, was ROTFLMAO. Your comments are great, even if possibly you were made by the Presbyterian church (...by committee, perhaps...?!?), and I immediately caught the Zoolander bit. Loved all of it!!! Thank you for putting so much time into this!
OH MY GAWD. THIS. IS. THE. EPIC. SHITZ.
DO WANT.
Boy, Ratio Tile sure has a foul mouth, he's always saying the f-word.
This is golden, thanks so much for posting.
op you wouldn't believe how hard i laughed
I cried from laughter when I read this... Thank you!!
Best thing I've ever seen on the internet. Thankyou so much
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